I fully intended to start 2018 on a note of mindful serenity by rising at 6, listening to a short meditation podcast–short because, don’t aim too high, just focus on making a small change that you can realistically achieve, so you won’t self-sabotage, see, I’d thought this through–and then turning off my phone and sitting in my yard watching the sun rise. Maybe raking a few pebbles. Doing some light weeding. Instead I pushed my snooze button, like, 37 times, got up at 9, listened to “My Dad Wrote a Porno,” and compulsively composed this post.

ANOTHER YEAR RUINED.

Even the bloody podcasts app is judging me.

Happy New Year, everyone!