A small sampling of questions put to me by the younger, aged 8 years and 4 months, in the last 24 hours. With answers below for the curious.

Questions

1. Why do you start to talk all British when you talk to another British person?
2. You know that kind of movie in which the bad guy becomes something like a grocery store manager or a librarian at the end?
3. Would you rather have all the money in the world but you can only spend it on what you need or a hundred dollars that you can spend on what you want?
4. Is it true that if you bathed in pickle juice your skin would become all warty and bumpy?
5. Have you ever broken anything?
6. Do you think that an ant’s brain is microscopic?
7. Did you know that sand is just tiny rocks?
8. Why is the sky blue?
9. Have you ever been to Starbucks?
10. What’s your favorite number?
11. Would you rather bathe in a tub full of squishies or a tub full of water that smells like your favorite food?
12. Can I tell you a story?
13. Can I tell you the worst idea ever had?
14. Did you know that Tom Cruise has a middle tooth?
15. Who do you think is the best Ron, Ron in Parks and Rec or Ron in Harry Potter?
16. Which is your favorite squishie?
17. Were you alive in 1967?
18. What’s your favorite kind of film, films with magic or films without magic?
19. Would Max be grounded if he doused me in boiling water?
20. Which character from Harry Potter do you think I am most like?

Answers

1. I don’t really know! But I know I do it! I suppose hearing them I naturally fall back into British ways of saying things? It’s sort of contagious?
2. No, I can’t say that I do.
3. Hmm, I think all the money in the world and everything I need. I feel like I could figure out a way to get some stuff I want too …
4. Umm. I’m not sure? Did someone tell you that? No? I mean, I don’t think you would become warty … if there was a lot of vinegar in it maybe it might sting though?
5. Like what? A vase? A promise? Oh! Well, I fractured my elbow once. That doesn’t count? Then, no.
6. I would say probably … yes. Because an ant is already very small. And their brains are probably quite small. So, yes, I would say microscopic.
7. Well [pedantically], I would say tiny shells? Actually, I just looked it up and her answer seems more accurate than mine.
8. Oh man. I know I know this. But I just can’t remember. Is it something to do with why the ocean is also blue? No, that’s not right. I can’t remember. We’ll have to look it up when we get home. We forget to look it up. If you can be bothered, you could read this for the answer.
9. Yes. Many times. She seems quite surprised by this answer.
10. 27. Well, 27 used to be my favorite number because I used to think that would be the perfect age. But it was just, you know, fine. What’s yours? Why 4? Huh, a “warm feel,” that’s interesting. Because I’m 44 so then maybe my age is the perfect age because it’s extra warm!
11. Squishies. I don’t want to bathe in a bath that smells of food. No, not even my favorite food.
12. Yes. I cannot remember the story but it involved strange, hybrid pets.
13. Yes. I cannot remember the idea, but it was something she saw on YouTube.
14. I didn’t know and no, I don’t need to verify it. She insists we verify this.
15. Ooh, that’s a really good question. I ponder this one seriously. I mean, I think I’ve got to say Ron from Parks and Rec because, as you know, I think Ron from Harry Potter is kind of meh and certainly he is nowhere near good enough for Hermione, and my irritation at that makes it difficult for me to feel kindly towards him, although I suppose that’s not really his fault. She counters that Ron “lives in the world of magic,” “has a really nice Mom,” and lives in a “really cool house.” I counter back that these are not really essential aspects of Ron-ness and that Ron-from-Parks-and-Rec has more skills because he can make stuff out of wood. I’m approaching this question in terms of a who-would-you-want-to-have-with-you-during-the-zombie-apocalypse type question. “But I would rather live in Ron-from-Harry-Potter’s world,” she says. OK, well that’s a totally different question, I would rather live in Ron-from-Harry-Potter’s world too. I mean, sure! I get to be married to Hermione, so I’ve somehow managed to snag someone who is totally out of my league; and also my best friend killed Voldemort which was really the only bad thing about living in the magic world; what’s not to like?
16. Definitely the hybrid raspberry-sheep.
17. No. No!
18. Films with magic.
19. He would be more than grounded.
20. Hagrid.